Changes and Struggles

At nine months post-op I am reflecting on what has changed, what I've learned, and what I still struggle with.

Many things have changed, and some of them have been very interesting and even surprising to me. For instance, my perception of a serving of food. I didn't used to think much about a monster plate of food being served in a restaurant, and I'd probably eat a good portion (if not all) of it. Now things like that are almost overwhelming to me. I look at it and think, "that is at least FOUR meals!!" When I'm serving someone else, I'm not quite sure how much food to put on their plate. The feeling is almost one of confusion, or maybe just uncertainty. On the other hand, I am still struggling with eating a little too much to the point that I get too uncomfortable. On a few occasions I've actually thrown up, but thankfully that hasn't happened very often. That is probably my biggest challenge - knowing when to stop. Even after nine months, I am still learning.

I've written before about the disconnect between my physical size and the perception in my mind, and how hard that is to reconcile. When I shop for clothes, I still pick sizes that are too big and have to go out of the dressing room and get the right size. It absolutely amazes me that I am wearing a size medium in shirts and a 10 in pants! I used to wear a 2X!!!

So what have I learned? That I can get by with a lot less food!! That although my physical body is not the real me, it certainly affects my level of self-confidence, my attitude, and my outlook. And that by not worrying about me and what others think of me all the time, I can focus on others and participate in more activities. I can't even tell you how much more energy I have! I am enjoying Jazzercize classes and will walk in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure next Saturday. I'm more willing to go to events now that I'm not ashamed of my physical appearance. And I look forward to a healthy, active life from now on!

Blessings to all of you, my friends!

P.S. I lost five pounds this month for a total of 85 pounds lost.